Ellien's Essays: The Pumping Pioneer

Ellien's Essays: The Pumping Pioneer
I read this essay and thought, wow, here's a mom who's dedicated to giving her baby breastmilk even though she's leaving the baby with another person. This makes those stay at home moms who don't breastfeed seem, well, not so dedicated, to say the least. I mean, if it's too much trouble for them to feed their babies their own breastmilk when working doesn't take them away from their babies, imagine how they'd handle working and breastfeeding. Mothering as a working mom is now considered the norm, but breastfeeding and working -- that's radical! How does anyone do it? Especially if they can't work from home?
I tried working part time from home myself when ds was a baby, but it didn't work for me -- I was suffering from ppd, had nobody to watch ds while I worked, and also had a high needs infant who would not let me put him down. I ended up quitting my job after only a couple of weeks of trying.
I sometimes envy the moms who work outside the home full time, but I also know I couldn't do it, for mulitple reasons: I'm not that organized (when does cooking, shopping, cleaning etc. get done?), energetic (when do you sleep?), or in a position to have someone I trust besides me watch my baby or child. Maybe that will change some day, but for now, I'm staying home. We will remain at the bottom of the middle class, probably never own our own home, but at least I won't be trying to juggle a job and parenting. I admire those who can manage it!
There are so many different ways to be a mom, and so many different ways to provide for your baby's needs. It's truly inspiring to hear about someone making it work to go against the grain, both in breastfeeding (which is so unpopular in our culture) and in doing it while working outside the home. Right on!

Alternative medicine: you're on your own!

I have been looking into alternative approaches for ds's SID and anxiety, as well as my own health concerns (PCOS, migraines, depression) and those of my husband (iritis). Autoimmune conditions like ours (and like those that killed my mom -- dermatomyositis -- and drove my dad to drink himself to death -- fibromyalgia) are so poorly treated by mainstream, western medicine, you really have to seek other opinions. There are so many alternative approaches, it's mindboggling, and since they are often either in conflict with one another (like homeopathy vs. herbs), it's difficult to determine which one to choose. There are no governing bodies to oversee all this, except those who are completely against all alternatives (such as the AMA and the FDA). There needs to be a body made up of regular people, who have the time to read all this stuff and determine what is really true and what isn't. But who has that kind of time who's not on someone's payroll (such as the pharmaceutical industry or agribusiness) who might skew the results?
Nutitional approaches
There are many different dietary or nutritional approaches, including raw vegan, raw meat, seasonal eating, slow foods, traditional (as in Sally Fallon's Nourishing Traditions), the Maker' Diet, orthomolecular, juicing, blood type diet, alkaline diet, many anti-yeast diets, etc. Each seems to say that it's the way to go, and that the others have it all wrong. Some require expensive testing for things like malabsorbtion and alkalinity vs acidity, others simply tell you to follow their plan and you will feel great. Some combine supplements with dietary outlines.
All require a major commitment to follow. All of them are radical departures from the standard American diet (SAD), either because they limit processed foods, or because they limit the types of foods that can be eaten. I think most nutritionists and dietitions would say they are all too extreme, in that they are too different from the USDA Food Pyramid. So you can't really go to a nutritionist if you want to decide which nutritional approach to take among all the radical nutritional prescriptions out there.
How does one decide? I know I can't afford expensive tests, and our insurance doesn't cover them, so I probably won't be doing orthomolecular, even though it seems like a much more customized approach. Had I a million bucks to play with, maybe I'd try it or something like it. Until then, I am just going to wing it, trying out foods and deciding for myself which works best. I do wonder about supplementation though. I know I need more minerals, since I have terrible tooth decay, but mineral supplementation is very tricky, since they all balance each other out and an excess of one can cause a deficit of another. Here's where I wish I could afford testing, to determine which minerals I'm lacking.

Herbs vs. homeopathy
Here's where I get a bit confused: homeopathy uses some plant extracts in some of its remedies, but it's not herbalism and you can't use regular herbs at the same time, despite the fact that no homeopathic remedy I've taken yet has relieved all my symptoms (migraines in particular). And I use many herbs in cooking that have medicinal qualities, like garlic, ginger, and turmeric. And I drink ginger tea. I may be contradicting my homeopathy doing this, I don't know. Also, I've recently learned that some homeopaths have you dilute your remedies in water twice -- should I see someone who does this? Regardless, I feel pretty lost in all this, and am coming to realize that the only one who can guide me is myself -- which is pretty scary!

Supplements: expensive, not well documented
There are so many kinds of nutritional supplements, each with their legion of supporters, it's difficult to know which to take. Pascalite clay? Liquid minerals (because supposedly mineral tablets don't get dissolved or absorbed very well)? Single minerals? Vitamins are controversial too - many say that the synthetic vitamins contained in most vitamin pills are not as good as those found in foods, and that they may even do harm. Enzymes? There are so many, and some are very expensive, but supposedly they really help if you have digestive problems. I could go on, but I'm running out of time. I will continue this later, I hope.

Infertility blues

Pity Party for me about infertility and PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome)

Today I just feel so resentful of my infertility, and PCOS. If it wasn't for it, I would probably have more than one child by now, and wouldn't feel so weird about my body. I wouldn't feel like there's diabetes around the corner for me (since it's associated with PCOS, and my brother has it). I feel like my body betrayed me, and that it is so damaged. I know it could be worse, I know I am fortunate in many ways, but I still am angry about being infertile. Yes, I do have one son, who is an amazing person. We were able to conceive with help from modern medicine, eventually, but it was late in my life and there's really no time left to do it again, what with my being 40 and ds still nursing. Not to mention that we don't have anyone to watch him during medical appointments, of which there would be many during infertility treatment. I am so mad and sad that I can't conceive without medical intervention, and that for so many years we did nothing, or the wrong things, about it. At least, looking back, they were the wrong things. I should have hurried more, for one thing, so maybe I could have had a second by now. Boo hoo!

Why me? Why anyone?

I am so envious of Brooke Shields, who was able to conceive a second child without any medical assistance, despite having had to resort to IVF for her first daughter. But then, she had much worse PPD than I did, and from what I understand her daughter had to be weaned well before her first birthday, which is sad. Why do I have to live with PCOS and infertility? But why does anyone have to live with anything that is difficult? That's life, isn't it? There are plenty to envy, and plenty to feel compassion for out there, so why am I feeling sorry for myself? Is it something I learned, is it the depression? Is it just laziness? Sure, no matter what, it's possible to find something wrong with your situation, something to feel bad about. Why do I fixate on what I can't have rather than what I do have? And why not spend some of my energy contributing to the world, rather than just feeling sorry for myself? Does anyone have any answers? Or solace for me? It's probably our modern American diet, including our food supply that is contaminated and deficient in nutrients. But not everybody has been rendered infertile (yet). Just 10% or so of the population. One rare group I don't enjoy being a part of.

Natural Highs

Thought I'd just post these, which I got in an email from a friend.

1 . Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (or vanilla or strawberry smoothie).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29 Playing with a young puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate with real whipped cream.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making holiday cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38 Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the ______expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43 Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people may think.

Pass on These Natural Highs

"heath facts and fears" -- This site is so hyped!

I was just reading this website after seeing an editorial in the paper the other day by these guys, and it really amazes me. They seem to think that just blanket statements about how science, and scientists, don't believe that vaccines are harmful, for example, are enough to prove that anyone who is anti-vaccine is an idiot who wants to return to the dark ages. Ditto for
low carb diets, raw milk, toxins, etc. How on earth do they sleep at night? I hate to even create a link to this website, as it makes their count go up, but couldn't leave it alone. Where are the links to studies supporting their positions? Medical journals? How about anything showing that the research against vaccines is shoddy? How about some real arguments, with facts to back them up? How can the autor(s) assert so much with so little background information?

Does anyone else get the feeling this site is funded by the pharmaceutical industry?

Stacy's Grow a Frog Adventure

Stacy's Grow a Frog Adventure
Just checked out my friend Stacy's blog, about her frogs, and it was cool. Have a peek at it!

Hey there, ho there, hi there! December is almost over!

So, for those who observe it how was everybody's Christmas? And what about the other winter holidays? I happened to be born on the Solstice, so for me, that was doubly special. I'm not really a pagan or a Christian or anything, although I was raised in the Unitarian Universalist Church, but this time of year does seem special, just because the sun sets so early and it's so cold. Would it seem that way were it summer, like it is in the Southern hemisphere? June here is special in its own way, what with the sun setting at like 10:00 PM.

Are my December holiday associations so Christian based? I don't know. I do know we celebrated Christmas at home this year, as usual. Up until my mom died, I almost always spent the Christmas holidays with my mother and brother, so I think part of it is that I always got to spend that time with her, and got to see my best friend, Stacy at the same time, since they lived in the same town. But also, our culture definitely has a thing for December, not the least of which is all the shopping people do. I think generosity at this time of year is great, although I think a lot of it is wasted on those who don't really need anything (myself included) material. It would be better if we all spent our time and money feeding the indigent or something.

Anyway, I have been taking enzymes with every meal, along with Betaine HCL, and still doing the SCD diet religiously. Although we are kind of ahead on the introductions stuff, in terms of introducing a lot of raw fruits, mostly because ds demands them (in the produce section, he goes crazy, wanting all kinds of stuff, and since he's denied so many other things, like candy, cookies, crackers, bread, etc., I am kind of a pushover with fruit). I have been experiencing constipation lately, which I attribute to eating kind of irregularly and maybe also the fruit, although I'm not eating nearly as much as ds is. Today I ate the following:

Breakfast:
avocado, tomato, and cheese omelet (ds only ate one bite, so I had a lot)
1/2 a banana (what ds left)
2 tsp. cod liver oil
1 tsp. virgin coconut oil
Lunch:
?? I think I skipped it by mistake!
snack:
some of ds's fruit salad from the Whole Foods salad bar
Dinner:
steak
salad
beets
beet greens

Does that seem sparse? I never felt hungry, although I am tired. I thought that was just because we went shopping this afternoon at Whole Foods, and it was a marathon session, due to having to run around after ds while he explored the store, and to being a general space cadet and having to go from one end to the other and back to get what I wanted. I ended up spending over 140, and that's with no processed foods except for some freeze dried fruit that ds had to have (again, an alternative to candy).
Fruit sugar causing obesity??
Speaking of fruit, I saw where there was a study done that said that eating a lot of fructose can cause obesity. It was based on rat tests I think, and apparently didn't distinguish between actual fruit and fructose extracted from corn, like high fructose corn syrup, yet with the Specific Carbohydrate diet, fruit is allowed but not corn syrup or fructose. What's the deal with that? I find it highly unlikely that fruit can cause obesity -- ds eats a ton, but he's skinny as a rail! They ought to make a distinction next time!

It's Christmas Eve tonight, how are you all?

I don't know if anyone will read this -- does anyone read any of my posts? But if you do, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, if you are celebrating it. We will be home, just the three of us, all day. DH may have cabin fever enough that he may want to go for a Christmas walk or something -- too bad we don't live in a place with nicer walks around it, our apartment complex is surrounded by offices on one side and a main highway on the other. But maybe we'll drive over to a park or something. No visits to family this year, no visiting friends or family, either, just the three of us. Which should be relaxing, we can stay in PJs the whole day if we want!









my frapper map:
http://www.frappr.com/?a=myfrappr&id=227180

Tomorrow I turn 40, in what a world!

I am so amazed that I'm going to be 40 years old tomorrow! Time has truly flown by. It seems like just yesterday that I was in college, but it's been over 15 years. How does it happen? What have I done with my life so far? The best thing I've done lately is to try to raise my son with gentle guidance and love, but sometimes it's so hard. He is so strong-willed!

Stop the madness -- King George, our formula feeding culture and all!
I am so amazed, too, at what a world we live in today. We have a president who believes in "Intelligent Design" -- which is just creationism in another form. We are at war over oil, again! We are a nation of SUV driving junk food eaters. Consumption is the name of the game, the entire basis for our economy. We have a food industry that is built on providing junk to millions for a huge profit, and an infrastructure that supports it. To cook your own foods from scratch is an act of rebellion, as is feeding your baby with your own breastmilk (now they're even going to start marketing women's breastmilk!).

I saw a woman today, who had a baby and a preschool girl, who was clearly a stay-at-home mom, bottle feeding the baby. Why? I mean, there's a chance she's had a double mastectomy or is on some rare, dangerous medication, but the mostly likely reason she's bottle feeding that baby is because that's what everyone else does, like the formula/pharmaceutical companies want us to. She was probably led to believe that formula is just as good as breast milk, that nursing in public is rude, that her breasts are sex objects not providors of nourishment, etc. How sad! He was/is being deprived of his birthright. I noticed he had a runny nose -- I would bet if he was breastfed he wouldn't have gotten sick, ds got only one cold his whole first year.

Dental problems -- why?
Yet, I'm sure if she got a good look at ds's missing front teeth, she felt a bit of pity for him.
Which brings me to his teeth -- why are they so rotten? We brush his teeth often now. He's never eaten a lot of sugar or drunk a lot of juice, and he wasn't bottle fed -- only breastmilk for the first six months except for a stupid attempt at rice cereal when he was four months. I'm thinking it was the grains, or maybe I didn't consume enough calcium when I was pregnant with him, or something else entirely. I am sure all the processed foods I ate while pregnant (mostly vegetarian frozen entrees) didn't help things, and the metformin the first trimester, and the prozac during a lot of my pregnancy and early in my postpartum period didn't help. I should have been eating a balanced, varied diet of homecooked foods when I was pregnant, but I didn't know. And now poor ds is the one to pay for it!

Those creepy agroindustrial junk food pushers!
The food industry fooled me into thinking it could feed me easier and more conveniently than I could do for myself. Sigh. And now that I am cooking from scratch, it is very very time-consuming, but at least part of that is because I'm out of practice and never been very good at planning meals, much less freezing them for later. I am going to try to continue on the SCD plan for another couple of months, especially since the other day when I ate bread I really felt sick. Even after we go off, which we will eventually, I really don't want to go back to eating processed and mass produced foods again.

Now for a little bit of positive
I just realized that almost all of my posts have been complaints, negative stuff. I would like to add a bit of sunshine to this post, anyway. I love to cook, I love salad, watercress, yogurt, lamb (yes, lamb -- no more am I a veggie!), and going for walks in the woods. I also love my wonderful husband and gorgeous son.

Today is a week before Christmas eve!

Boy, we have been busy, and ds and I both have a cold. He has not been napping much lately, but often instead passes out early. Of course, then he needs me to stay with him to stay asleep. Today he feel asleep at 6:30, then awoke 45 minutes later. I don't know what's up with him. I think he's not been doing as well lately, and I think we need to start him on regular doses of enzymes, maybe No Phenol and Zyme Prime or something. He was doing better, but lately his
sleep has been terrible. He tends to eat a ton of fruit, which has a lot of phenols in it, so I'm wondering if that could be affecting him. Also, he had the runs today, second day in a row. Can't help wondering whether it's the store bought smoothies he's been drinking, usually I make my own and those don't have that effect. Who knows what they put in the bottled stuff, and
it's pasteurized, so all the normal natural enzymes are gone. I need to go to Minea Farm and get some more raw cider, and make our own smoothies again. They taste so much better, anyway.
Boy, am I tired! I could use a nap myself. I will go now to try to buy those enzymes. I have been working too hard at this diet, it's left me wrung out.

I keep losing weight -- now it's starting to worry me!

I weighed myself today, and I'm down to 138. That may not seem that light for a woman, but I'm usually more like 180, although since having ds it was more like 150. What were all those other12 pounds about? They couldn't all be yeast and bacteria! I am so slim I keep having to buy smaller sized jeans. I'm down to a 12 now, and even they are a bit loose! I eat butter and cheese and avocado and full fat yogurt and olive oil and cod liver oil, but it's not enough. I think I need to start making muffins again with nut flour, that made me put on weight, especially with some butter or cashew butter on them.

I've been giving ds enzymes from the health food store, and they seem to be making him a bit cranky. Either that means he needs less of them or we need to switch brands.
DS is doing so much better overall. He actually let an employee push the shopping cart with him in it the other day, something totally unheard of before. Not sure if it's the diet, the homeopathic remedy, or just getting older. I'm thinking of reintroducing grains soon to see if it will make any difference for him. Maybe starting with soaked grains made into sourdough bread, just to make them more digestible. With a good quality enzyme, I think. I do hope he's getting better, I really don't want to be on this diet forever. It's too high maintenance!

The holidays are here! Yikes! The candy! The denial!

Well, the holiday season is in full swing -- when did it start, with Halloween or what? It's tough to be on the SCD diet this time of year, as sugar, flour, and pretty much anything cooked by anyone else are not allowed. No chocolate at all, no grains at all, no sugar or maple syrup, make even baking your own holiday treats kind of difficult.

Ah, cookies and chocolate, what fond memories I have! Now I use nut flour instead of grains in our baked goods, which is expensive and hard to do sometimes, but it's all we're allowed on this crazy diet! It's funny that they allow nuts as I'd heard that they can be allergenic, but they haven't caused ds or myself any noticeable problems, not even peanuts (other than the almonds, but they aren't true nuts anyway). We still have the dark circles under our eyes that are indicative of food allergies -- I hope it's not dairy, eggs, or nuts or we'll be sunk.

Sometimes I'd love to be able to eat normal food again, but seeing how well Chris has been doing lately makes me want to continue with it, at least for a few more months (they do fly by, don't they?). I am hoping he will be able to tolerate almonds soon, that the diet has healed him enough for that. Already, he is able to eat grapes now, which he could not just a couple of months ago (it caused a combination of constipation and diaper rash back then).

Giving up chocolate wasn't as hard as I thought, I've already given up so much stuff I used to be hooked on (like coffee -- had to for my homeopathic remedy, now find that my intestinal complaints from it keep me from wanting it), I already know what works for me -- eating a handful of raw cashews or pecans seems to satisfy any candy craving I have, for some reason.

Why SCD?
The idea behind the diet is that food intolerances are caused by a leaky gut. And that this diet can heal the gut and bring about a state of health that can mean you can eat normally again, although I would think it would always have to be low on the processed foods end. I will reintroduce true whole grains first, probably as soaked porridge.

We are doing the diet mostly because ds has so many digestive problems. I think ds's problems started with six months of thrush, his first six months of life, and also, I actually gave him rice cereal once when he was only four months old at the urging of my pedatrician. But it's also genetic, as both dh and myself have food intolerances, and probably systemic candida infections (which cause leaky gut). And of course, I have a mouthful of mercury fillings, and actually lost one at some point just before I got pregnant. See the "Smoking Tooth" video at http://www.iaomt.org if you don't think mercury fillings are a problem to be considered (I didn't until recently).

But my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) symptoms started when I was ten, with abnormal weght gain and premature breast development, and PCOS is a sign of chronic inflammation, so I had leaky gut even then. And I recall now sympoms of candida even then, including a vaginal yeast infection that I didn't realize was that, so it must have been an ongoing problem. Did I give ds my leaky gut, and did my mom give me mine? She probably had it too, especially since she died of an autoimmune disease - dermatomyositis - and leaky gut can trigger such things. My father had fibromyalgia, which is definitely linked with leaky gut by the alternative health people. I hope diet can heal it. I don't want my son to suffer as I have.

Today is Saturday and I'm feeling kinda down

Well, I'm feeling kind of negative lately, and have been thinking that I need to do something about it. I just took a new homeopathic remedy, which I hope will help, but I'm not sure whether or not it will, as I've tried other remedies and feel that they haven't made much of a difference.

This specific carbohydrate diet thing is tough. You can't buy food that's already been prepared, so either you have to spend a lot of time cooking, or eat really boring, plain foods. Such as, dinners for us are usually some sort of meat (chicken, fish, beef), frozen green beans and/or carrots, and salad. Sometimes ee have split peas or lentils, or some sort of soup, to round things out a bit. Breakfast is usually eggs, sometimes banana pancakes or cashew butter pancakes (got that recipe from the web). Occasionally we have sugar free sausage from the health food store. Lunch is often just yogurt, steamed veggies, and cheese, and some leftover meat like cooked chicken. Pretty boring.
DS is a fruit hound, eating usually at least one piece of fruit per meal, and also snacking on some. Mostly bananas and apples, but lately he's been snagging dh's raisins and prunes. I have a feeling he has been craving the fruit because of candida (yeast) since I have ongoing issues. I still have a yeast infection, by the way, and am thinking I need to eliminate honey and cut back on fruits.
I'm using Candex, an enzyme product, along with Candistat, and they haven't been enough so far.
I also have always had depression, and am feeling like that's really in the way of my healing, since it robs me of energy. I have been off medication (prozac) since my pregnancy, except for a brief period after ds was born (I stopped because I felt it was making the candida worse -- he had nasty thrush). I am sure talkative tonight!

Boy, it's been ages since I posted!

I totally forgot about the blog thing. It's been five months since my last post. Lately we've been investigating possible sensory integration issues in Chris, along with problems with digestion with both him and me. We started the Specific Carbohydrate Diet http://www.breakingtheviciouscycle.info/beginners_guide/beginners.htm in September, and have been doing better. Yesterday we went off it for dinner because I was so sick of cooking, and we ordered pizza to be delivered. Today I want to try to go back on it, especially since Chris seemed a bit more out of it today, possibly from the pizza. I know my guts are in rebellion from it!

Today we were supposed to get a visit from a member of the early intervention program, for an evaluation for sensory integration issues, but she cancelled. Just as well, I've been so tired lately, the place is a mess.

I am hoping that some day soon we will have all this dietary stuff figured out. I know there is something up, because I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which is thought to be caused by chronic inflammation. Which in turn can be caused by food intolerances, which in turn can be caused by a leaky gut. I know my body is trying to tell me something! That and the depression I've had on and off all my life make my life very difficult!

Rant:
We in our culture are so dependent on mass media, processed foods, and the medical establishment, it's very very difficult to figure out what's really going on, particularly if you have a chronic disease. Most doctors just want to prescribe you a pill, and know very little about nutrition. And most nutrition information is provided by agribusiness, which has kind of a conflict of interest in such things. We need to find a better way to deal with our food system, the current one is killing us, either slowly and painfully such as with cancer and chronic conditions or quickly with nasty diseases like e. coli. infections. What can we do?

July in the Pacific Northwest

Today it was really hot today, a change from what it has been. I took Christopher to the park and we were so listless, it took us an hour to get through what would have normally taken 15-20 minutes. Carrying a diaper bag, a two year old, lunch, and water can be exhausting in the heat. But we did have fun looking at the animals there -- it's a small farm park, with chickens, sheep, a turkey, goats, ponies, a donkey, an alpaca, and some horses, among others. Chris was getting tired, but he really didn't want to leave (as usual), so after we ate lunch, we went back and looked at the animals. He also had to climb this tower thing they have there, that has a tin roof -- an boy was it hot! I picked him up to carry him down and he stiffened, which meant he had pooped -- so I had to change his diaper in the heat. Yuck! And he cried because I took away a stick he had -- because he was poking me in the face with it while I tried to change him. Whew! I still think he may be outgrowing his nap.