Joys and Sorrows

At the local Unitarian Church (one of the three that is 20 minutes or so away), there is a time for sharing joys and sorrows, when people can stand up in front of the congregation, speak about something (or more than one thing) that brings them joy or sorrow (or some of each), and light a candle (or two). I have only done it once, and that one time was mostly because C wanted a chance to light a candle (or to see me do it, rather). I think I lit it for my brother Charlie, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I'd like to post a bit of a joy and a bit of sorrow today.

My joy is that I really am enjoying my Christmas gifts this year -- my husband gave me a gift certificate to a local bookstore that sells crystals and cool books, and also one for a spa. I'd been asking for them for awhile, but finally he gets it that I don't want stuff so much as experiences. Plus, I can't exactly return a gift certificate, LOL (I'm pretty bad about returning things). I loved the spa treatment I got, and I've gotten a beautiful rose quartz pendant that I still have to find the right necklace for. The silver chain I have that I like the length of seems to give me a rash (as so much metal does). I'm thinking maybe a ribbon would be nice?

My sorrow is that my brother's mother-in-law just died of cancer. I didn't know her well, but it's sad that his kids now have no grandparents living (C has only one, so he's almost as bad off). She died of lung cancer, despite the fact that she'd quit smoking years ago (once a smoker, always a lung cancer risk, apparently). She had been ill for quite some time, and had actually outlived the doctor's prediction by six months. But regardless, I feel bad for my brother and his kids, and understand that his wife is pretty bummed out about it. Also, it brought up a couple of things -- my missing my mom (it doesn't get better with years, that was a lie), and also the fact that his wife is a total witch and I can't really feel much sympathy for her. I am jealous that she got to be almost 50 before her mom died, mine died when I was 30. Is that selfish? I don't know, but my blaming her for my mom's death sure didn't bring my mom back. All it did was lose me my brother.