Infertility blues

Pity Party for me about infertility and PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome)

Today I just feel so resentful of my infertility, and PCOS. If it wasn't for it, I would probably have more than one child by now, and wouldn't feel so weird about my body. I wouldn't feel like there's diabetes around the corner for me (since it's associated with PCOS, and my brother has it). I feel like my body betrayed me, and that it is so damaged. I know it could be worse, I know I am fortunate in many ways, but I still am angry about being infertile. Yes, I do have one son, who is an amazing person. We were able to conceive with help from modern medicine, eventually, but it was late in my life and there's really no time left to do it again, what with my being 40 and ds still nursing. Not to mention that we don't have anyone to watch him during medical appointments, of which there would be many during infertility treatment. I am so mad and sad that I can't conceive without medical intervention, and that for so many years we did nothing, or the wrong things, about it. At least, looking back, they were the wrong things. I should have hurried more, for one thing, so maybe I could have had a second by now. Boo hoo!

Why me? Why anyone?

I am so envious of Brooke Shields, who was able to conceive a second child without any medical assistance, despite having had to resort to IVF for her first daughter. But then, she had much worse PPD than I did, and from what I understand her daughter had to be weaned well before her first birthday, which is sad. Why do I have to live with PCOS and infertility? But why does anyone have to live with anything that is difficult? That's life, isn't it? There are plenty to envy, and plenty to feel compassion for out there, so why am I feeling sorry for myself? Is it something I learned, is it the depression? Is it just laziness? Sure, no matter what, it's possible to find something wrong with your situation, something to feel bad about. Why do I fixate on what I can't have rather than what I do have? And why not spend some of my energy contributing to the world, rather than just feeling sorry for myself? Does anyone have any answers? Or solace for me? It's probably our modern American diet, including our food supply that is contaminated and deficient in nutrients. But not everybody has been rendered infertile (yet). Just 10% or so of the population. One rare group I don't enjoy being a part of.

Natural Highs

Thought I'd just post these, which I got in an email from a friend.

1 . Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (or vanilla or strawberry smoothie).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29 Playing with a young puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate with real whipped cream.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making holiday cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38 Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the ______expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43 Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people may think.

Pass on These Natural Highs

"heath facts and fears" -- This site is so hyped!

I was just reading this website after seeing an editorial in the paper the other day by these guys, and it really amazes me. They seem to think that just blanket statements about how science, and scientists, don't believe that vaccines are harmful, for example, are enough to prove that anyone who is anti-vaccine is an idiot who wants to return to the dark ages. Ditto for
low carb diets, raw milk, toxins, etc. How on earth do they sleep at night? I hate to even create a link to this website, as it makes their count go up, but couldn't leave it alone. Where are the links to studies supporting their positions? Medical journals? How about anything showing that the research against vaccines is shoddy? How about some real arguments, with facts to back them up? How can the autor(s) assert so much with so little background information?

Does anyone else get the feeling this site is funded by the pharmaceutical industry?